Monday, 13 February 2012

4 Things You Should Never Do in School (or anywhere else)


It’s sad knowing that it’s only a matter of a few months that I’ll be officially termed as “an adult”, knowing that the best years of my life have just passed. It seems like only yesterday when I couldn’t wait for my thirteenth birthday and finally breaking into the teenage-zone. The times when I thought that I was finally old enough to date or be partially independent have passed by so quickly, that I didn’t have time to do everything I thought I could. However, I did do certain things that I shouldn’t have. Like,
                                                      
1.     Stuffing a senior’s bag with chipped wood and chair-foam
I don’t mean a ‘Senior citizen’ (otherwise that would’ve been a whole new post I’d written about) but a senior student. I can’t recall his name for some reason but I do remember that in the eighth grade, my friends and I were sitting in the ninth grade for a combined Science class and we tore the whole back of a chair and shoved some broken wood and foam into that student’s bag. It was a prank and nothing else. But after the class the ‘prank’ backfired. The senior student told on us and my friends were called out by the class teacher and got a real scolding. My friends turned on me and insisted that it was my idea but the teacher refused to believe them and said, quote “Ramish can’t do such a thing, he’s a very good student”. (She hadn’t known by then just how “good” I was). But yes, I do feel bad for my posse; after all, they did take the blame for me.

2.     Spray painting the bathroom walls
This was something I still regret doing. After the arts class, everyone had to clean up after their projects and it was that particular artwork that needed a coat of spray paint. Apparently, our classroom had a huge attached bathroom with it with enormous closets inside (that’s where we kept our art tools). So I was among the last to clean up and while walking towards the closet, the little devil in me woke up. Long story short: I practiced some wall-graffiti and the school Principal wasn’t in a creative mood and she made sure I never saw a spray paint can EVER again. Oh, and did I mentioned I was suspended for two days?

3.     Claiming the school building is haunted
So this wasn’t really as bad as the last one but my friends and I were still told off by the Principal. It was a joyous occasion, a festival was it? (Again, my memory’s a little fuzzy so bear with me). Everyone was busy partying and celebrating and my group were in one corner talking about the damned Bloody Mary. An American friend of mine had recently heard about this tale and he very efficiently made us believe that all Bloody Mary has to do is but wait for a child to come in the attic and slaughter him/her (depending on her mood of course). Our school building had an attic too, a huge one at that and we decided to check that dark room for signs of witches. And we sent our poor Swedish friend up their waiting for him to get his throat slit or bring back the head of the infamous Blood Mary. He had ten minutes to come back and if he failed, we’d pronounce him dead. So as we waited for him at the door of the attic, twenty friggin’ minutes passed and there was no other exit out of the attic! Worried, we sent another friend to call the Principal and tell her about the recently deceased friend. Within minutes, the whole school was with us at the entrance and the majority fell for the Bloody Mary story. Just then I realized all that waiting had made me thirsty so I went downstairs to grab a glass of cola and was shocked to see our Swede friend, whom everyone thought was dead, roaming around the front yard. I ran upstairs and told everyone that he was alive and having snacks downstairs. The next half an hour was spent listening to the Principal telling us all off.
But wait just yet. It was and still is a mystery how our Swede comrade made it out of the attic, (on the third floor), and to the front yard when we were waiting for him at the attic’s only entrance! So we aren’t sure if that’s still our friend or an immortal Swedish Zombie, and we’ll never know.

4.     Cheat during an exam when the teacher was asleep
Why? Because, she’s not asleep! No invigilating teacher in the right mind would doze off during the finals especially with a class of little demons like us. The minute we heard her “snore” we went bonkers! Students actually left their seats and went half of the room across to get the answers. I however, stayed at my seat and began trading answers. It was after the exam when the teacher told us that she saw each and every child cheat, (except for the Swede ‘Brainiac’ Zombie). Strange, No? In the end, we all had 25% of our marks deducted and half of the class failed but miraculously, I didn't.

Tuesday, 7 February 2012

One Person I’m “Glad” I Met


This post is not based on a real person and is actually just a story. So enjoy some good humor.

Before I start with the topic, let’s just assume the person I’m going to be talking about as an anonymous character (for privacy purposes of course). So let’s just say she’s Miss Aero.
Note: This is a sarcastic post; just in case you misunderstood the (“”) for anything but a sarcastic indication (and that includes flies too).

Remember how we all saw a bunch of cartoons when we were little that told us that girls were nothing but cootie-infested demons? Well, eight months in, and I realize they were right all along! All girls have cooties! And the one I was unfortunately tangled with, Aero ;) had the worst kind of infestation. The Emotional one!

Note: I know this seems like a bunch of crap right now but trust me, it gets better. Keep reading.

It started out on one very, very unfortunate November evening when that prick Cupid struck me with his damned arrow and laughed menacingly as he watched me fall for Aero. So Aero had a history with boys, a colourful one at that but only one mattered for her, the last one. The rest were mistakes as she was naïve at the time (and yes, that part is true). Anyways I was gullible enough to think that if she was with me she’d forget the last guy who dumped her. Boy was I wrong! She couldn’t forget him in our 9-month ‘relationship’ and after the whole period, it just HAD to end.

And you guessed it, IT DID! Aero found a lame excuse to ‘get rid of me’ which I fell for at the time and two months later, I found out she’s still craving for her ex.

Enough of the backtracking. Now, you’d think why I’d be glad to have met this…Aero. And why after all this time I’d take the trouble to waste practically two days of my life to write this post about her? Well, if you did, well done, because you have no friggin’ idea how a broken heart feels like. So keep the thoughts to yourself and just read damn it! You see, I learnt some pretty useful things that I need to watch out for in the future whenever it comes to girls. (Ooh, this is worthy of another blog post. Something like ‘What I learnt from my ex’). One of them, in fact the prime reason being, is never to trust girls! Seriously!

Note: (I swear this is the last one) No I’m not sorry to any girls who’re reading this.

Back to my former point, you just cannot trust girls, with anything! They’re a huge ball of uncontrollable emotions and mood-swings. One minute they are all lovey-dovey with you, and the next they’re friggin’ John McClain from Die Hard! It could be all “I love you. No I love you more. No I love you the most” kind of crap, and turn out into “Yippee Ki-Yay mother******!” within seconds!

It’s a shame I couldn’t write everything in this post but yes, I’ll try to cram the rest into the next one. But if you’re reading this and you already have a girlfriend, I feel you mate. And the ones who want to have one, “You’re better off without them!!”

Note: Urmm yea, comment below!

Yippee Ki-Yay mother******!

Friday, 3 February 2012

Called in Sick and How my Day Went


I've skipped school and college many, many times but calling in sick at work was still on my to-do list. Every employee knows if you miss a day at work, it comes out of your salary and this was the same with me. I was so terrified by the thought of having a reduced paycheck that I wouldn’t have missed a day of work even if it meant having a 103 degree fever. But January 24, 2012 was the day when I actually took that risk and called in ‘sick’.

I just came out from a steamy hot shower and was still in my bathrobe. Strangely, though I was already running late for work I just had to check my Facebook. This cost me a few more minutes whilst still in my bathrobe! Anyways, I felt a little buzz coming from where I sat. It was my phone vibrating and my cousin Farwa was calling. ‘Strange’ was what I thought at first as she only calls when something’s either wrong or when she wants a job done. I picked up and she rushed through within seconds. Apparently, I was supposed to call in sick at work and go to her house so that she, her brother (Sadat) and I go to the National College of Arts to celebrate. Earlier that week, we went there to help out Farwa’s friend with her finals project which she passed with flying (throttling) colors. This is why we had to go to ‘celebrate’.

She hung up saying “Be at my place in ten minutes”.

“What the heck just happened?” I thought to myself. Here I am dripping wet in my robe getting ready for work and now within seconds, I’m supposed to be at Farwa’s place? I couldn’t (or wouldn’t) call her back because I was afraid she’d scold me for not hurrying. I made up my mind. NCA it is.

I drove as fast as I could, while munching on some chocolates of-course. All through the way, I was worried about missing work and I still hadn’t informed them that I wasn’t going to make it.


Fifteen minutes later, I was at Farwa’s place parking my bike when the main door flew open and out she came rushing and shouting at Sadat for not hurrying up. Gulp! She saw me and instructed me to get in the car as she reversed. We waited for two minutes outside her house for Sadat and then, he finally ran out holding his shoe in his hand and leaped onto the back seat.

This was probably the first time I’d seen Farwa drive so fast, it felt like a Grand Theft Auto scene. We pulled over at a shopping mall to get some party hats and what not and finally managed to make it to the National College of Arts. I barely finished the Swiss roll I bought earlier, when Farwa flung out of the car and hurried into the hall. Sadat and I took our time. My mouth was still full with the chocolate roll and I was nervous to get out giving someone a chance to catch a glimpse of my bloated mouth.

It was nearly six pm, and I was due two hours ago at work. What troubled me most was that I’d still not informed my leave to the office. A few minutes later Sadat urged me to call and I did. My boss was clearly annoyed because I had to help him with a new project of his. And I had to work double time the following day! Let’s be honest; that is cruel!

Apart from this, the three of us had a spectacular time together going through the most awe-inspiring displays. Later we went to a local bazaar where I helped Sadat buy two quality jeans for a quarter of their price! So yes, calling in sick was totally worth it even though I had to work twice as much the next day and then eventually ended up with the worst case of flu.


What I didn’t mention was that the three of us spent the rest of the day shoplifting some candy bars at a local supermarket and then torched a school bus. Not to forget break out prisoners from the nearest jail and abduct an old man and beat him up with his own walking stick. Did I mention winning a lottery and then getting robbed? 


Good times...

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