So to wedge my brain open and let fresh new ideas in, I
decided to Google some humor sites and blogs and see if any of them inspire me.
They Didn’t. Instead I’m taking the coward’s way and simply sharing something I
found extremely hilarious. With a little manipulation and editing (just trying
to make it sound fancy really) I made a list of the Top 25 Résumé Bloopers. All
of them were so darn comical that I had trouble removing some from the original
list. And trust me, these DID happen. Turns out people are actually a little
nonsensical when it comes out to the basics of Résumé Writing. Anyways, enjoy. :)
Warning: Do Not Try Them! They're guaranteed To Cost You Your Job!
These were a few mentioned:
1. Job Duties: “Answer phones, file papers, respond to
customer e-mails, take odors.”
2. Favourite Activities: “Playing trivia games. I am a
repository of worthless knowledge.”
3. Experience: “Demonstrated ability in multi-tasting.”
4. Experience: “ I'm a hard worker, etc..”
5. Languages: “Speak English and Spinach."
6. Reason for leaving: “I thought the world was coming to an
end.”
7. Skills: “I have integrity so I will not steal office
supplies and take them home.”
8. Objective: “To hopefully associate with a millionaire one
day.”
9. Skills: “I have technical skills that will take your
breath away.”
10. Qualifications: “I have guts, drive, ambition and heart,
which is probably more than a lot of the drones that you have working for you.”
11. Objective: “I need money because I have bills to pay and
I would like to have a life, go out partying, please my young wife with gifts,
and have a menu entrée consisting of more than soup.”
12. Qualifications: “Twin sister has accounting degree.”
13. Experience: “Have not yet been abducted by aliens.”
14. Education: “Have repeated courses repeatedly.”
15. Salary requirements: “The higher the better.”
16. Bad traits: “I am very bad about time and don’t mind
admitting it. Having to arrive at a certain hour doesn't make sense
to me. What does make sense is that I do the job. Any company that insists upon
rigid time schedules will find me a nightmare.”
17. References: “Bill, Tom, Eric. But I don’t know their
phone numbers.”
18. Work experience: “Two years as a blackjack and baccarat
dealer. Strong emphasis on customer relations – a constant challenge
considering how much money people lose and how angry they can get.”
19. Accomplishments: “Brought in a balloon artist to
entertain the team.”
20. Application: Why should an employer hire you? “I bring
doughnuts on Friday.”
21. Reason for leaving: “Pushed aside so the vice
president’s girlfriend could steal my job.”
22. Reason for leaving last job: “Bounty hunting was
outlawed in my state.”
23. Objective: “To become Overlord of the Galaxy!”
24. Awards: “National record for eating 45 eggs in two
minutes.”
25. Work experience: “Responsibilities included checking
customers out.”
Do Comment :)
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